Something struck me...

and got me thinking. No matter how dependent you are on other people, no matter how they always be there for you, no matter how big a favour you need from them, no matter how big the love you have for each other and how big the sacrifice they're willing to do for you; you will always be alone. In making your own decision, in deciding what's best to do for your own good, in protecting your own heart when you sense it's about to be broken. We are in charge of our own self and destiny.

Of course, I knew this before today. But like I said, it just struck me and got me thinking more deeply about this than I ever was. I am currently in the middle of doing something big in my life. Not one, but two big things. How's that? Ok, let's not beat around the bushes and I'll let it out (as if I've never written about it before, duh!): I am getting married and buying a house, all within these few months.

Obviously, there is someone else involved. I was thinking, I have someone that I can share this wonderful journey with, together. It should be fun, doing this thing, together. Well, up till now, all I can see is that it's just me, producing this on my own. I tried to delegate, but nothing is being done on the other part on the basis that he's tired from work, no time, don't know where to start without money, blahblahblah...then? I myself do not have these privileges, but at least I am aware that I really have to do this. No matter how much I dread it, I still know that I have to really have to make myself do it, even if I have to drag my feet. Oh, why oh why have nobody warned me about this? I am sure that I am not the first person to experience this; men dumping everything on the woman just because they don't feel like it. Oh, I'm just flabbergasted, actually, when I saw this status: keep pushing me and miserable july awaits. I was just checking on the progress that I tasked him to do! I can't be doing everything on my own. He's a part of that thing as much as I am! Time is short, so how can he still expects us both to be doing nothing and hopes that everything falls into place perfectly? Men! Grrrhhh!!

So that thing made me realize that if you want things to be done - and someone that you have entrusted to help you do it is unable to do so - just roll up your sleeve and do it yourself. You only have yourself to rely on. You do not need to depend on someone else. You're in charge of what you want. Take a stand. Take a grip. If you really want it, grit your teeth and just get on with it. Just don't think about all those emotional things. Don't dwell on feelings. Sacrifice. Forget. Forgive. Compromise.

[That was me advising myself. I have to. And I sounded so mature. Yes, I made progress and am proud of myself. I have grown, I think. I am trying to break free from the person who is always helpless, dependent, and whiny. And I really made progress here. *Giving a pat for myself on the back, cause i cannot depend on somebody else*]

Note: I am not sure what was I babbling above, but I'll just click on "Publish" anyway, just to prove myself that sometimes, I am just an emotional piece of crap.