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Bila kupandang burung itu yang melayang tinggi
Bermain angin, menyapa bayu, berjenaka dengan awan
Sesuatu yang aneh, janggal dan keji bergolak di jiwa
Bagai mahu saja aku robek, koyak sayapnya buat aku simpan
Kerna satu saat itu yang kuhayati terbang tingginya
Buat aku rasa marah, tiadanya sayap untukku jua

Friends' photos of their ongoing big trip are all over the place and I'm feeling so jealous. This 'thing' has been nagging me since forever. I've been made to witness people around me get to spread out and fly away, anywhere. Work, trips, vacation, study. Doesn't really matter where or why. I don't mean to be selfish, and make this all about me, but it's what I feel.

For the longest time, I've been feeling like a goldfish in a round fishbowl. I've always felt like I'm made for a bigger place, I'm made to see more, to walk more. But here I am. I told people that I'm running away, but still, here I am. My feet deeply planted in the ground. I'm beginning to feel that I purposely do not make any attempt to get my feet off the ground, simply because I am already too attached to the dirt. The warmth. The certainty. But it's getting to be really frustrating because most parts of me do not want to be here. I'm tired of this great longing and desire I've been living with all these years. I would love to get it out of my system and just move on with my life, you know?

I'm tired of talking, of always planting the seeds but doesn't care enough to even bother watering it. None of my desired trees have ever borne any fruit. Typical me.

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